I feel sorry for people who don’t drink; when they get up in the morning, that's the best they’ll feel all day.

I’ve got a drinking problem. I got two hands and only one mouth.

I’m on a whiskey diet. Last week, I lost 4 days.

I only drink to steady my nerves. Last night, I was so steady I couldn’t move.

How do you make four old ladies say, "Fu#k"? Get a fifth one to yell "Bingo!"

I’m not an alcoholic. I’m a drunk. The difference is you don’t have to go to meetings.

I don’t drink that much. I spill most of it.

I drink to forget. Just what it was, I forgot.

I’m really pissed off at the airlines charging five bucks a drink. That’s $75 from here to Chicago.

Did you hear about the blind skunk? He tried to rape a fart.

How do you make five pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it.

What is the main cause for bestiality? Sexy animals.

What did one Dead Head say to the other when they ran out of dope? This music sucks.

Category Archives: Rants

Sep 19 2012

IT’S ALL OVER NOW, BABY BLUE

IT’S ALL OVER NOW, BABY BLUE Instead of being glued to CNN in a morbid bid to keep up with the latest election polls, I suggest you shut off the “idiot box” and start packing. It’s time to “get out … Continue reading →

Aug 27 2012

Every once in a while I like to pass on some medical facts that are guaranteed to improve your sex life.

Every once in a while I like to pass on some medical facts that are guaranteed to improve your sex life. O.K, Listen up. (Drum roll). SEMEN carries more than just sperm. Medical studies show that it alleviates depression in … Continue reading →

Aug 16 2012

THIS YEAR’S ELECTION: “SOCIALISM VS. COMMUNISM” – AND THE CHOICE ISN’T EVEN YOURS!

THIS YEAR’S ELECTION: “SOCIALISM VS. COMMUNISM” – AND THE CHOICE ISN’T EVEN YOURS! I try to stay out of politics. I’d rather be in a young girl’s panties. But with the presidential election rolling around, lately I’ve been asked who … Continue reading →

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IT’S ALL OVER NOW, BABY BLUE

Every once in a while I like to pass on some medical facts that are guaranteed to improve your sex life.

THIS YEAR’S ELECTION: “SOCIALISM VS. COMMUNISM” – AND THE CHOICE ISN’T EVEN YOURS!

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