IT’S ALL OVER NOW, BABY BLUE

Instead of being glued to CNN in a morbid bid to keep up with the latest election polls, I suggest you shut off the “idiot box” and start packing.  It’s time to “get out of Dodge”.  The country’s broke and in debt, and it’s not going to recover no matter who’s in office.

The dream of the immigrant was to come to America and turn one’s life around.  And for a good many years, that “American Dream” worked.  It worked for my parents and my parents’ parents.  But those days are over.  Now it’s time for Americans to do just the opposite:  Leave.  Check out new lands and new opportunities.  And you better do it before it’s too late.  Once the mass exodus begins (and believe me, it will), countries will pass laws keeping Americans out, and you’ll be stuck here fighting for bones alongside your Afro-American buddies.  That reminds me:  How do you know Adam wasn’t black? –  Ever try taking a rib away from a Black man?

Romney and Obama aren’t all that different.  Both are beating that same old drum:  “America can be Number One again.  Just work hard and play by the rules.”  Is anyone still buying that dusty old stump speech?  Wait a second, wasn’t that the same sentiment embossed in iron on the gates of Auschwitz: “Arbeit macht frei” – “Work brings freedom.”   Speaking of Auschwitz, what’s the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?  Santa Claus goes down the chimney!  I can make that joke because I had a relative who died at Auschwitz.  Yeah, he fell off the guard tower.

And what the hell happened to “peace making, nation building” Obama?  For the first time in our history, over a dozen Arab countries have turned on us.  They’re burning more effigies of Obama in the streets than both Bushes combined.  That‘s what happens when you try to be the good guy.  Give the people a fair election.  Let them decide their destiny.  Only problem is what do you do when they vote our enemies in?  So much for fair elections.

Take Saddam Hussein.  Everyone except for Bush realizes now it was a big mistake taking him out.  It’s better to have a dictator running things.  It’s the lesser of two evils.  Now the place is up for grabs, and they hate us.  Did you know that under Mubarak, it was illegal to say anything derogatory about Americans in the mosque?  I say leave well enough alone. Stay out of everyone else’s affairs.  Ron Paul is absolutely right when he said, “Nobody likes U.S. soldiers with weapons running around the Mideast.  We wouldn’t like it here.  Why should they like it there?”  Believe it or not, but those dumb ass camel drivers actually think that Obama okayed the recent release of the negative portrayal of Mohammed, because they have no concept of freedom of the press.

So what are we supposed to do?  Give up our first amendment rights to appease the religious fanatics in the Middle East?  Maybe, if it stops the bloodshed.  After all, we do have some restraints in place already, such as yelling “Fire” in a crowded theater or saying you want to assassinate the President.  Why not just add “No more Mohammed jokes” to the list?  Or will Americans find that appalling and say, “So now we have to curtail our freedom of expression for these Neanderthals… NO WAY!!!”

Unfortunately, with the advent of the Internet, we’re all one.  You can’t say anything any more without our neighbors halfway around the world hearing it.  It’s a big problem and nobody really knows how to deal with it.  Recently, Facebook shut itself down in a number of Arab countries so as not to add fuel to the fire.  Some say if you give in with the Mohammed stuff, what’s next?  Our women must all start wearing burkas?  Come to think of it, actually some of the old ugly broads I see in the bar should be made to wear burkas.   Rodney Dangerfield had a good joke.  He said someone set him up on a blind date once.  He said the girl was a “two bagger” — i.e., she was so ugly she had to wear two bags just in case one broke.

OK.  Enough with the yuk yuks, as I have something very serious to say to you.  Those of you who listened to my forecast four years ago, when I predicted the economy downfall literally weeks before it happened, take notice once more.  LISTEN!  If you have any money in high yield stocks, now is the time to sell them.  The Mideast is about to blow sky high, and the stock market is going to crash as never before.

Why?  Because Israel has already decided to take out Iran’s nuclear facilities in the not too distant future.  The Prime Minster of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, has just flown to New York City in the hope of meeting with Obama.  Obama will not meet with him.  It’s too close to the election.  Netanyahu is playing both sides against the middle, pressing Obama to draw “a red line in the sand with Iran” or swaying the Jewish vote towards Romney.  It’s as dangerous as things get. So much so that it’s time for you to put your savings in a safer investment – money markets.  Or just put it in the bank.

Remember, you heard it first here, from Tony Clifton.